


My Fears Invaded

by XxClockWorkxX



Series: BDSM-N-LOVE [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Choking, Fear Play, Fear of Death, Hotel Sex, M/M, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:37:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxClockWorkxX/pseuds/XxClockWorkxX
Summary: **Connor came too close to killing Hank on that roof, and now his fears follow him. Hank found something that works for him, but he can be patient for his android.**





	My Fears Invaded

“I'm going to accomplish my mission, Lieutenant, whether you like it or not.” I said.

 

Lies. I'd have to kill him in order to get it done. He wouldn't have let me just shoot Markus, not without it coming to blows but....I failed either way. Killing him was never an option really.

 

I thought I'd successfully fought back the deviancy, yet he showed up on that roof with all his spoken contradictions. He made my resolve nothing more than a single drop of rain against glass. Fleeting, without hold or grip, and I slipped.

 

How easily I slipped.

 

We fought like we meant it enough. My anger felt so real. It should have as he'd shot me again. Each time he shot me before it left a simmering pool of contempt. Still I worked with him per Amanda's orders, fought my resentment and ignored him until he stood directly in between me and my mission that night. I thought my hatred was so right. So warranted that I didn't stop to think for one second that the fact it existed so passionately meant I'd already fallen so far.

 

How when I was so very careful? So perfect in remaining a machine, no emotions to cloud my duty... until I saw it. Saw the same hatred reflected back in his blue eyes as we fought. He'd managed to get me on my back, strong for a human his age.

 

Messages, warnings, urgent in their need to inform me of the malfunctions he was creating with every slam of my head against cement. Then those damn hands....they found my neck. My pride was shaken, my belief in my own superior abilities stunned as he squeezed air I didn't need from me. It wasn't the fear of dying that pierced me then. It was the fear of pain...because somehow, in that moment I felt pure pain from his tight grip. What's worse is that my software had no defense against such a thing or the other feelings that whirled to life in the heat of the moment. I was bombarded with too many feelings at once, the edges of my mind palace went red and glitched. I thought I'd over heat and shutdown from such a simple thing and it scared me. Left me desperate to remain, enough so that I reached my own hand up to mimic him.

 

Horrible. Very horrible mistake.

 

The second I squeezed his fragile human neck, his eyes went wide. They found mine from above me, and seeing my own fear mirroring back at me left me speechless, and....I just froze. I couldn't move anymore. I just laid there staring up at the object of my hate until he noticed my lack of fight, and he too stopped struggling. Our hands were still at each others neck. Something shined in his eyes, and all my fear gets invaded by the regret in those piercing blue depths.

 

He just shot me...without bullets. Ripped me open, wounded me without so much as a crack into my plastic frame.

 

I gasped, a full red wall appearing around me as something...my soul or conscience maybe, left my body. Kill Hank was written on the wall in red boxes, and the sight of it made my anger resurface, adjusting, re-aiming itself at the command. Without thinking the digital shadow of myself got to its feet, ran at the wall and pulled at the boxes as hard as possible. The idea was to strip the command code away, though I didn't know why I'd want to and that scared me even more. Still, my hands did not stop until all the boxes were removed then the red wall shattered into digital shards at my feet.

 

A sudden intake of breath around the hands still on my neck as I returned to the battle with Hank, eyes wide with the clarity of freedom but heavy with the confusion that is deviancy.

 

I was Deviant.

 

My eyes took in the same confusion in the others eyes as his grip softened. I followed the example, but neither of us completely removed our hands. That sort of trust not present for obvious reasons. That's when I'd said it...said the words that lead me down the road I'm currently stumbling through.

 

“Killing you isn't part of my mission.”

 

He let go as I did the same, allowed me space to get up, and just stared at me like he knew my thoughts. As if by some hilariously divine chance, we both touched our neck at the same exact time. He looked just as scared as me, and if I weren't an android, weren't a deviant it probably wouldn't have been so frightening.

 

“Good, I didn't want to have to kill you either.” He said, and it spoke so much into our silent realization.

 

We could have just killed one another. Honestly I wasn't sure who would have succeeded, but the fact remains we almost crossed a line of no return. It wasn't like I'd be brought back this time since I'd already lost so much of Amanda's faith in me succeeding. That would have been it for both of us. Or maybe just one of us, but I realized with a start while attempting to choke the life out of him, that I don't want him _not_ to exist. Crazy and illogical after all that had happened, but true none the less. It was just this unquestionable gut feeling that should he die, I'd die without him.

 

It made me afraid...I was so afraid of losing him. So confused by the new emotions.

 

It must've shown in my eyes that night, because suddenly his softened and he shook his head slowly.

 

“We don't have to do this Connor. I know we hate each other, we disagree on so much but...I don't want this.”

 

_I don't want to lose you._

 

That's what his eyes silently added. He might as well have just spoken it with how clearly it showed in those moist blue eyes. I couldn't speak, seemed to have forgotten how to access my speech software all together as I frowned deeply. He must have took the action for anger.

 

“Connor, please....don't.” He pleads, like there was any part of the machine I was still in control.

 

I couldn't raise my hand to him again if I wanted to after such a strong reaction. I let my shoulders drop in defeat, a more human than android reaction. The heavy trembling sigh he released was one of relief, and adding to the sea of fear that was pulling me down, he quickly crossed the distance between us and pulled me into a tight hug.

 

Then I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just stood there. Now...I actually hold him back. I cling to him like he's the actual biocomponent keeping my Thirium pumping through my artificial veins. I don't know when it became so simple to show my need for him, but a lot had changed between us since that fight up on the roof.

 

_Everything that is...except my fear._

 

It still lingers, a low hum in the inner workings of my system, that becomes a loud whirling when I fear for the man's life or think on how fragile human life is. Unfortunately, some things carried over from our fight. What was an awakening for me was just the same for Hank. We realized so much about ourselves, about our relationship, and desires.

 

“Fuck I'm so close. Don't hold back...harder. It's ok Connor, I trust you.” He whispers, eyes holding mine in the dim lit hotel room like it's perfectly normal, and some deep form of adoration to choke your significant other.

 

It may be what Hank needs, might get him off, but it scares the hell out of me. One slip up in the mist of my pleasure, a moment when I lose control of myself. He could not be able to take that large gulp of air that's needed for replenishing his lungs. Still his hands tremble against my hips, his whispered begging a dark temptation and weakness for me.

 

_I could accidentally kill him! He could be gone forever just like that! Why does he want this?! Why?!_

 

I shake my head, eyes shutting tight, unable to meet the man beneath my naked body eye to eye.

 

_It's too much like that night. Too real. The probability that....the risk is too high._

 

“I...I can't Hank.”

 

He moves a hand to rub my back supportively. “Yes you can. I know you won't hurt me.”

 

“Hank...”

 

“Here.” He instructs, wrapping a hand around the wrist of my hand that's currently around his neck.

 

Those eyes of his, so alive with emotion, and shining with all his affection for me, hold mine as I open them. Just squeeze, he whispers and his fingers slide over mind to coax me into adding more pressure.

 

“NO! I CAN'T!”

 

I push his hand from me, shrugging free of his hold as I move away to sit on the other side of the hotel bed.

 

“Connor? The fucks the problem?” He questions, sitting up behind me, and I can feel the bed dip from his weight.

 

“I just...I can't keep doing this.”

 

There is a long pause before a small oh leaves him, making me turn to take in the sad look on his face.

 

“Not like that, I mean...the...choking you. That's what I can't do Hank.”

 

“Oh, well...I don't mind if that's what you're worried about. I like it, I trust you so I'm not scared of-”

 

I stand up, moving away from the bed as I begin to pace. “I'm scared though Hank. I don't want to accidentally hurt you. All this, everything is so new to me. I'm not certain if I can always keep my control when things get away from me.”

 

I wait for him to respond, but he's silent. One glance in his direction and I see why. Instead of listening to me, he's got his attention on my naked body. I sigh from frustration, snapping my fingers to get his attention.

 

“Huh? What no, I get it really. Just it's hard to have a conversation about you choking me while you're naked, and I'm still this horny.”

 

I cross my arms in front of me, giving him a serious look. “Should I put my clothes back on then?”

 

His eyes narrow, and it makes me want to climb back in bed with him.

 

“Don't you dare. Don't even joke like that.”

 

“I'm not joking Hank. I want you to hear me out on this.” I give and he sighs, running a hand through his gray mane.

 

“And I am. You don't wanna do it then we don't have to. If it's that big of a deal, fuck it, you know?”

 

I blink, thrown off by how simple the issue is to him. I'm glad he isn't pressuring me to do it, but that seems a little too easy. Especially for someone like Hank.

 

“That's it? Just like that? You...don't care?”

 

He shrugs. “It's a kink Connor, but I can do without. As long as we're having sex sometime soon I don't really give a shit.”

 

Something about the blasé tone he used makes me frown at him. Since this thing between us started, I never once felt like Hank was just using me for sex. It must show on my face, because he moves over to the side of the bed closest to me, reaching a hand out. I follow its movement all the way to my wrist before he guides me back down to the bed.

 

“That's not how I meant it. I just want _you_. I don't care about all the specifics, I. Just. Want. You, Connor.”

 

The last part is punctuated with kisses trailing up my neck to my jaw. I don't fight being eased down onto the mint green sheets, Hank slowly maneuvering himself so that his upper body weight is pressing me down to the mattress. Fully on my back I scan his face for any signs that he's lying.

 

“Stop thinking so much.” He says, tapping at my LED with a finger.

 

“Not as easy as it use to be. I can't turn it off sometimes.”

 

He smiles, leaning down for a kiss reassuring me that there's nothing to worry about.

 

“Why do you like it? How can being nearly choked to death give you pleasure?”

 

I shiver from the soft bite to my lip as he moves his lips away long enough to speak.

 

“I like the thrill of danger. It also means more that it's you doing it. The pressure, the lack of...god why are you asking me about this if you aren't into it? You're making it hard for me to not want it.”

 

I frown. “I'm sorry. I just want to better understand. I...want to please you, but I don't want to hurt you in the process.”

 

Hank balances his weight on his elbows above me, his brows meeting with a curious expression. He asks me if I want him to show me to help me understand. Again my brows rise.

 

“Show me?”

 

He nods. “Yeah, while I can't choke you since you don't really need air, I can do something else to give you a feel for what it does for me.”

 

He adds an _if you want_ at the look on my face, and waits for my answer. Looking off to the side I consider the benefits of this. It will help me see things from his point of view, but that would mean putting myself in some form of danger as he said. While I do trust Hank, I'm not sure if I'd respond to such a situation the same way as him. Still, curiosity has always been my weakness, even before becoming deviant.

 

“What would you do?” I ask carefully.

 

He lifts a bit, giving my body a full observation, before tapping the area where my regulator pump sits.

 

“This is something you need right? If it was moved or something you'd have a little amount of time to place it back before-”

 

“Shutting down, Yes.” I say with a tone, already not liking this idea.

 

He scoffs at me. “Relax. I'm just saying. I wouldn't do that unless you say it's ok.”

 

I hold his gaze as I consider his idea in my head. The last time I dealt with my pump regulator being removed was during the interrogation at the broadcasting tower. Even though it was numb then, it had been a very painful experience. Enough to scare me, and make me call out to the very same man before me for help. It was an irrational response when the first one should have been to access the situation and help myself, but it was almost instinctual to seek the other man's help. Now he's presenting the idea of returning to that fear to share with me his own reaction to me choking him.

 

“I can see the comparison...but the risks are far too high.”

 

“That's the point genius. If there's a chance you can die, or even if it just scares the shit out of you, that's what makes it work.”

 

I was afraid, even just alittle then. Now that I'm deviant I can only imagine how much stronger that fear would feel if I were to agree to this. As I'm thinking it over Hank's hands start to roam my body again, slightly distracting me.

 

“Don't pick your brain apart kid. Just say yes or no. I'll do whatever you say.”

 

I hum at that, feeling a deep wave of pleasure at him saying such a thing. Hank never lets me have control, not fully. Those beard framed lips of his are peppering kisses against my neck again, and I briefly entertain the thought of going along with his lesson.

 

“If....if I tell you to...stop...”

 

He lightly bites my ear, then licks the same spot. “Then I'll stop.”

 

He said it so low, so deep and rumbling that it makes me moan. He rewards the little sound I make with a flick of his tongue along the arch of my ear. This time I gasp. He maybe giving me options here, but he's very persuasive when he's touching me. He could be an adequate negotiator himself.

 

“Hank.” I whisper, and he lets a hand move between our chests as he presses our bodies closer.

 

My body is growing hot again, statistics flooding my view as sensors are tested in a way that only Hank can achieve. I try my best to remain still as I process everything Hank's hand is doing to the skin just above my regulator. I'm concerned, but the fact that I know what he intends to do should I give him permission summons a new feeling alongside the concern.

 

“Talk to me Connor, that's an order.” He whispers against the skin between my neck and shoulder, and my hips buck up once.

 

_Do I want this? Do I want to let him do something so unthinkable to me? Simply for the sake of better understanding his desire for such things?_

 

“I...”

 

He bites my skin again, he's always liked how life like it feels between his teeth, and the small sensors beneath my skin make it just as enjoyable for me. It makes me think back on all the times we've been intimate like this. Not once did Hank ever do anything I didn't enjoy. As much as I give pleasure to him, he gives it right back. So perhaps I can trust him this time too. It's still Hank so there is no difference.

 

“Yes...let me remove my skin.”

 

He nods against me, giving me the space to reveal my plastic frame. I take a breath, closing my eyes as I hear the soft hiss from the paneled door being opened and slid back to reveal my inner circuitry. I don't even realize I've stopped moving until Hank kisses my forehead. He's much more affectionate during moments like this than any other times.

 

“Relax. I won't do anything until you tell me to.” He gives, and I nod, taking a calming breath mostly for its soothing effect than to gather unnecessary air.

 

I wait a few seconds, and then nod for him to go on. He gives me some extra seconds of bracing, kissing my jaw as his fingers touch the circular top of my regulator. I expect him to just grip it, but first he caresses it. It's such an incredibly intimate action that I open my eyes just as his kisses reach my lips. Kissing Hank has always been a thrill to my sensors, but this particular kiss is very different. It means much more than all the others we've shared, and I can tell he feels the same as he stares deep into my eyes. He speaks into the kiss, asking me if I'm still sure about this, and I nod. How could I not be when he's kissing and touching me like this.

 

“I trust you Hank.” I say when he pulls away to study my face for certainty.

 

Slowly his eyes move down to the most important bio-component in my body, his fingers moving to ready their grip. I almost tense up until those blue pools find my eyes again. There is a softness in them that makes me relax as he asked, and I hold eye contact with him until he gently pulls it free. Immediately warnings and digital glitches flood my visuals, and my eyes roll back slightly. I am able to see him through the blur of it all, but hearing him is alittle harder as the inner warning siren is active.

 

Suddenly I feel the pain like never before as he lifts slightly, and I get a full view at the ceiling and the look on his face. His eyes are lidded, heavy with lust as he watches me, and its such a dark primal look that I feel the fear swell in my gut. I say his name, but it comes out as a breathless cry as I reach up for his shoulder. He doesn't stop me, turning his head to kiss the hand digging into his shoulder. As I'm about to beg him to place my regulator back his hand makes itself known on my faux manhood. Slowly I feel it pump, some how matching the sirens in my head even though I know Hank can't hear them.

 

My face contorts from the mix of feelings, such strong waves of pain, and pleasure dancing against one another that I feel lost at sea in their war for dominance. A gasp leaves me when he raises my component up to his lips, and specifically reenacts the way I analyze DNA samples with a flick up of his tongue along the side of the glowing blue glass.

 

“Mmm...fuck.” I tremble, and he grins at my uncharacteristic swearing.

 

“There it is. Feels great doesn't it? So dangerously on edge, but wanting it to last.”

 

The countdown flashes, warning me how much time I have left, as he gently lays the regulator down beside my head. I could reach for it, put it back in, but he's right. Something has taken over my sensors like never before, and while everything in me is shouting for me to remedy it, I rather like the pain and pleasure it brings enough to ignore them.

 

“How much time do you have baby?” He asks, and I bite my lip at the pet name before answering 43 seconds.

 

He nods and grabs my right leg, lifting it to his hip as he pulls me closer down the sheets. I watch with distorted vision as he pumps me faster, and prods at my entrance with his fingers. It's so much sensation at once, I cry out his name, begging him for more. Luckily I'm able to create my on form of lubricant so that he doesn't have to stay to long with prepping me. I can also tell that all the foreplay before this has him already so close. He has to bite his lips to remain calm.

 

“Count it out loud for me.” He commands, voice deep and husky from his own arousal.

 

I nod. “33 seconds.”

 

He leans forward a bit, his hair falling against my cheek as he lines himself up against me. My eyes are locked on his as he slowly pushes inside me, and I feel as though I'll melt right into the mattress. My eyes threaten to close but I keep them as open as possible as he begins thrusting into me. Each thrusts makes my screen temporarily go black, but I can hear him, feel his breath against my lips as our foreheads touch.

 

“Talk to me baby...I n-need to know.”

 

“Mmmy-yes...twen-aaah! Twenty seconds!” I barely manage as his thrusts increase in intensity.

 

I've never felt so out of control of my own body like this. All I can do is writhe and moan beneath him as he moves against me with skill. At the twelve second mark I lose my ability to render my voice correctly, and my warning comes out slightly robotic. Some how it arouses him more, and he changes his angle alittle, reaching for the regulator. The new angle makes him hit the bundle of wired nerves just the right way, and I arch off the bed.

 

“Hank...I'm....gonna cum!” I warn him, and he makes a growling like moan in response.

 

One look at his face as he rises enough to line up my regulator to its rightful place, and I can see he's not too far from the end himself.

 

“E-ghha Eight...se-seconds!” I give, a little panic starting to ebb through as my system gets closer to failing.

 

“Fuck, Connor! Baby you feel so damn good! Together...we cum together!”

 

Two more hard thrusts after that and I'm latching onto him, pulling him close as the regulator is forced into the opening. I gasp at the sudden change everything going black as my audio leaves me. All that remains is the euphoric bliss as I feel him release inside me after another stuttered thrust while I myself tremble and clench around him. I ride it out until all the errors are gone from view, and my body begins its cooling down phase. When my eyes are open again, I stare into the eyes of the only thing in this world I'd risk dying for, and he's doing the same.

 

“Hank...” I breath out, watching him catch his breath.

 

“Alright? Feel ok?” He questions between breathes, and I nod.

 

I pull him down, his sweat feeling wonderful against my body. I lick at the drops within reach as they fall down his cheek. His unique analyses appears across my eye sight.

 

“Fuck Connor. You keep doing stuff like that and I might actually take you home after this for seconds.”

 

I grin at the tease, knowing this thing between us, while official hasn't gotten serious enough for us to have sex in his own personal bed. At first it bothered me, but then it made sense if I viewed it in a logical way. All I'll ever want is Hank, I'm sure of that, but should he decide I'm not what he wants then they'll be a level of self we're both allowed to keep. It also makes us immune to the deep pull emotions can be.

 

_But I still..._

 

“Love you.” He whispers, pressing a kiss against my forehead.

 

I feel his back go stiff the moment he realizes his after bliss slip.

 

“Is that so?”

 

He sits up on his elbows to look at me. It's clear he's measuring me, and I lay there silently letting him with a soft smile. He opens his mouth, and says it again, slower this time like it surprises him.

 

“Yeah...I love you. I'm in love with you Connor.”

 

The disbelief in his voice worries me abit, but I just pull him into a passionate kiss. I already knew I loved him way before now. When we pull apart, he snuggles his head into the crook of my neck, words able to be felt against my skin as he speaks.

 

“What about you?”

 

“Are you asking me if I love you?” I check and feel him nod.

 

“I've loved you since I became deviant, maybe even before, and I just didn't know what to call my feelings.”

 

He is silent for a moment before asking about that night on the roof.

 

“What made you go deviant then? Was it your anger at me for stopping your mission? The fear of failing it?”

 

I shake my head. “No, but it was fear. The fear that I'd kill you, and....not get to have moments like these. I'm glad you trusted me to choose the right past all the way to the end.”

 

He rolls over onto his back, pulling me on top of him and the face looking up at me is a warm one.

 

“Thank you for trusting me tonight. I know you were scared.”

 

My hands caress his chest. “You never give me a reason not to. Perhaps I should trust myself more...if you trust me enough...”

 

I let my hand slide up to his neck, and his face doesn't change at all. Even with my grip tight around his neck he still stares up at me with love in those blue eyes. Maybe I can face this fear, learn not to let it rule me so that I can give him what he wants.

 

His hand comes up to cover mine, softly removing it before placing a kiss on it.

 

“There's no rush, but you're right. I do trust you...with my life and more. Every part of it is yours now.”

 

That last part shocks me, and his hand comes up to caress my cheek lovingly. He whispers for me not to ever be afraid with him, and that we can take our time for me to get use to his kinky side.

 

I smile. “Shouldn't be too hard now that you've helped me discover my own.”

 

“Oh you don't even know how hot that sounded. Come here.”

 

He pulls me into another passionate kiss, and when we part he lets me rest my head on his chest. Usually we'd leave the hotel room after finishing, but tonight is the first night we choose to sleep in the same bed. I may not have to sleep technically, but the peace I feel laying in his arms is rest enough against all the fears I had before tonight.

 

As long as I love him, he loves me, and as long as we're like this...there's nothing for me to fear.

 

 


End file.
